Dear Jabby – Case of the Missing Merkin

DEAR JABBY AND THE CASE OF THE MISSING MERKIN*

Dear Jabby,

I’m missing my merkin, I think I lost it somewhere between Wisconsin and Florida. Can you help me find it?

Signed,
 
Donald Trump


Dear Donald,
Yes. I will take you case. Join me.
A TRUE CASE!

Our investigation took the President and myself on a night time Greyhound Bus trip from Milwaukee to Mar-a-Lago. Why Greyhound? There is much to recommend the bus line, I thought there would be more to this. but the case was cracked wide open when a bat flew out of nowhere from inside of the bus. Everyone’s goes completely mental, yelling, swinging and throwing stuff at it.  One hysteric yells, “Suck it up with a vacuum cleaner!”
 
The old lady across the aisle lying under a blanket kept asking me if I wanted a jalapeño popper and yelled at the President to turn down the music.
 
Despite the circumstances, the driver won’t stop. He’s a grizzled pro - he’s used to this, and he’s got a Greyhound schedule to keep!

Complete chaos erupts when someone starts screaming, “Don’t let it land in your hair, it’ll lay eggs!!!” A person of weak stomach starts throwing up into a slop bucket. Things are being hurled in every direction at the panic stricken bat, and the driver, hit by the splatter of some unknown liquid, starts swerving the bus, and things are really getting dangerous. Suddenly all the crying, wailing and vomiting suddenly ceases, when woman points at The Donald and exclaims, “The bat’s in yo’ hair!”
With a smile on my face, I authoritatively pipe up, “Mr. President, I think we’ve found your merkin!”

“Yeah, it’s on yo’ head!” quips the pointer, and everyone shares a hearty laugh!

But there’s no time to lose! With razor sharp reflexes, I quickly put a bucket on Trump’s head, trapping the bat. The President proceeds to ride the next 60 miles as a human bat hybrid incubator, till our next stop. When the bucket’s finally removed by Secret Service, a fresh clutch of eggs are discovered in the merkin!  Little peeping bats are breaking free of their shells, crying out to their Mommy for fresh blood. Later I am decorated with the Congressional Medal of Honor for my heroic action.
 
RATING:
 
So Greyhound gets a 4 Snap rating from me Gurlfriends because their entertainment was great! They would have gotten a 5 Snap but their wi-fi hot spot didn’t work and there are some things that I just won’t tolerate.

(* Pubic hair wig)

Introduction to the B Files

Introduction to the B Files

I love small business. There...I said it! I absolutely love small business. From restaurants and bars, to clothing stores, to neighborhood pantries...I love them all. Even the places that may not have had the best experiences at – places that I, myself, would most likely not patronize. I still love them. Why? Well, perhaps it’s due to my general disdain for large corporations. Yes, I know that large corporations have their place – we wouldn’t have the wonderful Apple products, for instance, without the behemoth Apple corporation. A friend recently pointed out that large corporations are able to use their size to be able to provide cheaper access to products and services to those who ordinarily could not afford them. Although I would speculate that the large corporations are the reason that there are people who can’t afford not to buy from them. 

But I digress. As far as I’m concerned, whenever I can, I will give my money to a small business over a large corporation. My love for small business is rooted in the idea that a person can have control over her own destiny. It’s the old dream of being good at something, and benefiting from it while your customers benefit, too. It’s the notion that a community benefits from the workings of many small businesses, and can be done a great disservice by being dependent on one or two large ones. 

Yes, there are some large companies that actually care about more than just profits and shareholder equity. Some big businesses truly care about their employees, their customers, the environment, and their place in the community. Recently, there have been some large companies that have taken their windfall tax cuts and donated them to charities. There are large companies that have high ethical standards and do good things with the best of intentions. So I don't mean to portray all large businesses as monolithic.

Again, I digress. My point is, small, local businesses are what pull small towns out of disasters when large companies pack up and move out. They are the heart and soul of a community. And I always love seeing a small business succeed. 

Unfortunately, that tends to be an exception. The overwhelming majority of small business start-ups fail within the first year. The following years can be even more perilous. If your business is still around after five years, you are a rock star. There are many reasons for this, and that is what I want to deal with in these articles. It’s my hope that by sharing these things that I’ve learned will help keep small businesses in business.  

I also hope to hear from you. Those who do own businesses – what have you learned? What lessons have you learned from your strokes of brilliance and your mistakes? I would also like to hear from employees who have never owned a business. What do you see that your employers are doing that works, and what doesn’t? I’d like to hear from customers and clients – what do you want from the small businesses that you deal with? What do they do right, and how can they improve? 

We are, after all, a community. As a community, we rise and fall together. Let’s work together, learn together, and as a result, succeed together. 

Electric Revolution-  Burn It Down

Electric Revolution- Burn It Down

Electric Revolution

Burn It Down

electricrevolution2.bandcamp.com/album/burn-it-down-album

This is an unbelievably talented Kenosha band that’s already found success by sharing stages with Pat Travers, Y&T, Angel, Cheap Trick, and many more. They create new music that instantly sounds classic, recalling the prime rock bands of the seventies, and early 80’s. In the course of listening to “Burn It Down,” I was pleasantly reminded of Bad Company, Van Halen, the Michael Schenker Group and other rock outfits from my youth. If any of those bands strike a chord with you, Electric Revolution will put a smile on your face. What could be better than that?

ElectricRevolution

ElectricRevolution

Joe Jackson- Fool

Joe Jackson- Fool

Joe Jackson

Fool (earMUSIC)

www.joejackson.com

Too poppy for jazz purists, yet too jazzy for the pop-leaning set, pianist Joe Jackson has still managed to carve

JoeJackson

JoeJackson

out an audience somewhere in the middle. While that audience might have longed for another single as catchy as “Steppin’ Out” or “Breaking Us In Two,” Jackson’s real strength is in writing songs that aren’t as accessible, yet are far more personal. “Fabulously Absolute” perfect illustrates his current position with a nearly-punk level of energy behind his piano chords. Even as he follows his own create path, though, he sings with an uncertainty that is only relieved by an icy, 1980’s synth lead. These songs were written to draw you in, and draw you in, they do.

Willie Nelson- Peace in the Valley

Willie Nelson- Peace in the Valley

Willie Nelson

Peace In The Valley (CD Baby)

www.willienelson.com

Decades ago, when Nelson was in it up to his Stetson with the I.R.S., that agency confiscated the masters to “Peace In The Valley,”

WillieNelson

as a lean on the monies he owed that agency. Nelson’s debt was later settled, returning the masters to him.

WillieNelson

Heading into the recording studio recently with his son, Billy, the two set about restoring the aging tapes and adding new elements to them. Nelson’s voice was in much better shape back in those days, although they still exhibit his trademark world-weariness. “Family Bible” and “In God’s Eyes,” refreshed as duets with Billy, are extra special.